Sometimes it is really better to procrastinate. But some people feel bad about it – others don’t. Learn to be part of this second group of people – it’s healthy
Perfectionism can harm your health. 5 tips for relaxing
by Andrea KaneCNN (Grace Walkerfrom CNN Audio, contributed to this article)
Editor’s Note: The Chasing Life with Dr. Sanjay Gupta explores the medical science behind some of the great and small mysteries of life. You can hear the episodes here.
The beginning of the year can be tiring: after being sold out during the Christmas parties -organizing the perfect party, finding the right gifts or preparing the ideal scenario for any vacation -popular culture urges us to do even more. New Year’s resolution comes in the scene, these self -imposed march orders to improve ourselves and often our health.
But sometimes the solution to better health – whether mental, emotional or physical – can be to do less and learn to let walk, even if it’s just a little.
Ellen Hendriksen, a clinical psychologist at the University of Boston University Anxiety and Related Disturbances, author and self -described perfectionist, considers that doing less is not natural. And she’s not alone.
“No one never says, ‘Ellen, I’m a perfectionist. I need everything to be perfect, ‘”begins by telling Ellen Hendriksen to the correspondent CNN chief doctor Sanjay Gupta at the Chasing Life podcast (can hear at the end of this paragraph). “Instead, what they say is, ‘I feel like I’m failing.’ ‘I feel like I’m getting behind’. ‘I should be much further than I am now.’ ‘I have a million things to do and I’m not doing any of them well’. And ultimately, I think this is due to the fact that perfectionism is a slightly wrong term; That, instead of striving to be perfect, it is really about never feeling good enough. ”
Perfectionism “may seem the pursuit of excellence for excellence, the establishment of high standards, hard work, deep care,” says Ellen Hendriksen, noting that these are positive attributes. It’s a great asset for many professions – for example, for a pilot or a neurosurgeon – but it can turn into an unhealthy behavior.
Ellen Hendriksen knows what he says: he says he wrote his latest book, “How to Be Enough: Self-Acceptance For Self-Critics and Perfects,” for herself.
“There is a saying for authors of self -help books that is: ‘Write the book you need’. So I wrote it to me. But as a clinical psychologist in a center specializing in anxiety, I also wrote the book for everyone like me. ”
Perfectionism is at the center of many medical and mental health challenges, explains Hendriksen. “And it is also a truly central component of eating disorders, many types of depression, OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder).” The author states that the disease has a consequence such as migraines, erectile dysfunction and panic attacks.
“For me, he manifested himself physically. I developed a gastrointestinal disease. I passed five physical therapy rounds. I had an injury by excessive typewriter. I woke up a morning and couldn’t turn my head to the right because my muscles were too tense. ”
Hendriksen says that perfectionism has several origins: it can be genetic, come from the family environment or originating in Western culture, where capitalism, consumerism and social networks dominate. The pandemic, according to the expert, aggravated the situation.
“Perfectionism is essentially the result of being in an economic system that is committed to exceeding human limits,” he says, citing the work of the psychologist and researcher of perfectionism, Thomas Curran. And studies show that the rate of perfectionism is increasing, especially among young people.
Ellen Hendriksen says we don’t have to lower the standards or be less demanding to mitigate the addiction of perfectionism in our psyche. Here are your five tips to relax.
1. We are not our achievements
Our value goes beyond our achievements.
“We all identify with our performance,” explains Ellen Hendriksen by email. “Of course we are proud of good grades, an excellent assessment of work, achieving our exercise goals, or even creating a new cookie recipe with chocolate nuggles. It is natural to feel bad or disappointed when we do not achieve our goals. But at the end of the day, we are not just defined by our performance. ”
Confusing performance with self -esteem, says Ellen Hendriksen, is designated “overvaluation”, which can lead to self -esteem fluctuation, something “that results when each performance becomes a referendum on our value.”
Ellen Hendriksen wants to remind people that they are much more than their results. “We are our relationships, our interests, our values, our pleasure to live,” he says.
2. Reduce our inner critic
We have to take us less seriously, asks Ellen Hendriksen.
“Those of us who have high goals work hard – and when they worry deeply, they take things seriously. We take our commitments seriously, our responsibilities seriously. But that means we also take our own thoughts very seriously, ”says Ellen Hendriksen. When we think “I’m not good enough” or “I’m falling short of expectations,” we assume that these thoughts are true. “We treat them as facts. But in fact, they are just thoughts. ”
Ellen Hendriksen states that some people are simply programmed to be self -critical. “But that doesn’t mean you have to take each thought seriously and literally. Take the attitude of listening to your self -critical thoughts as if listening to the background music of a coffee, ”he advises. “It’s there. You can hear. But you don’t have to be involved in her or let her drag him. ”
3. Make self -pity easier
Self -pity is often described as “talking to yourself as a good friend,” explains Ellen Hendriksen. “But you don’t need to feed on a constant flow of self -pity.”
According to the expert, self -pity can be a word or a sentence: “” Easy “, ‘kind’, ‘you’re fine,’” he says. “Even easier? Self -pity can be an action: three deep breaths, ask for help, take a break, take time to taste breakfast or read a romance before bed. ”
It can also be permission not to do all the things you expect from yourself, says Ellen Hendriksen. “Self -pity can be the permission not to go to the gym because what it really needs is another hour of sleep.” In short, self-pity is to turn to your pain and suffering with care and understanding and ask, “What do I need? What would work for this situation?
4. Let your laziness come out inner
Dare to be unproductive, advises Ellen Hendriksen.
“Self -improvement knows well. But resist the impulse of being infinitely productive in their free time. You don’t have to develop competence, learn something new or do something ‘good to you’ all the time. ”
Also, do things you like – not because you should do them. “If your heart sings by reading a story of non -fiction, then read this story. If you like to run, then run. But if you think it should read that particular story or ‘it would be good’ to run, allow yourself to reflect. Improvement and personal development are important, but also the pleasure, enjoyment, connection and expression. ”
So go ahead and surrender to the so-called unproductive activities: “Read a romantic comedy, see a bad comedy, spend an hour without doing anything to sing to your cat,” he advised. “If you like it (assuming it’s safe and respectful), it’s doing well.”
5. Do a good job for the right reasons
Keep your patterns high but focus on work, not in itself, asks Ellen Hendriksen.
“Imperfection is having a moment in our culture, which provides a very necessary relief from increasingly high standards.”
But the advice around imperfection tends to be “stop when things are good enough” or when “you need to lower your standards,” says Hendriksen, which may seem worrying and risky to many.
“Of course we will not be content with mediocre or inferior results, because it would mean that we are ourselves inferior or mediocre,” he says. “Therefore, keep your high standards. But focus on work, not on you. Take the posture of a sculptor looking at a marble block and ask, ‘What would make this better thing?’, ‘What would make work better?’ Keep your focus directly at work. Do not go beyond a referendum on its character. ”
We hope these five tips will help you relieve your perfectionist trends. Listen to the full episode below. And join us next week at Podcast to analyze the goal of boredom.
