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Breaking confidence can be fatal to a relationship. Infidelity can go far beyond simple physical or emotional attraction by someone else-becoming even more serious when it involves the omission of facts that directly affect the couple’s coexistence, as lies about the economic situation of one of the partners.
In a loving relationship, the couple makes financial plans to achieve important goals for their relationship, such as buying a home or car, a wedding ceremony or even large trips. But things get complicated when one of the parties commits the so -called “financial infidelity” – which is when a person hides or manipulates the partner’s economic information, breaking implicit or explicit agreements of the relationship.
From the point of view of ARNALDO CHIXA DIASanalytical-behavioral psychologist and master in neurosciences and behavior from USP, this type of infidelity can be seen on both the positive and negative side.
While your partner’s omission of facts comes as a way of dodging conflict, it can also function as an “emotional painkiller” that brings immediate relief to the uncomfortable situation, but does not solve the problem. Over time, the liars series ends up compromising the basis of a relationship built in trust.
“Confidence is an essential relational contingency: when it is broken, the behavior of trusting – which was previously reinforced – is punished. The result is a decrease in communication, shared decisions and the feeling of partnership. Money, in these contexts, is no longer just a means of exchange and now represents power, control and individual autonomy – generating tension in the bond,” explains the analyst.
Arnaldo also observes in his clinic that financial infidelity has generated deep emotional wear on several of his patients, leading them to recurring conflicts and even separations. “The betrayed person often reports a sense of betrayal comparable to affective/sexual infidelity, because omission involves an essential part of life planning.”
The psychologist emphasizes that this type of betrayal can occur both during the relationship and after breaking from the dilapidation of the couple’s heritage: “This happens, for example, due to decisions of greater spending as a way of punishing the other, but also due to endless judicial disputes that happen mainly after separation.”
The cycle of lies is mainly caused by the lack of communication of couples, who rarely talk about money and financial habits before committing each other. Arnaldo also points out that “many couples who even build a relationship with a lot of dialogue on many subjects end up neglecting the dialogue about finance because of cultural and family aspects”, which results in fertile soil for this type of conflict.
Signs of financial infidelity
In general, the person who is omitting facts about his economic situation will evidence that he has something to hide from his partner. The psychologist points out that the person will avoid preserving about finance and react to defensively when the theme arises in the couple’s debates. The situation becomes even more harmful when financial infidelity is motivated by the lack of confidence in the spouse.
He points out that the discrepancy between lifestyle and apparent income is a good sign that his partner is lying about his economic situation. The refusal to share passwords, extracts and economic planning are also signs of alert in a relationship.
Some examples that characterize financial infidelity are: hiding from your pair on debt or loan claims, lying about the amount of the salary you receive, not paying home bills, and allocating money for personal use, hiding purchases or compulsive consumption -related behaviors, among others.
Is the lie motivated by compulsion?
In some cases, financial infidelity is related to people who suffer with compulsion for purchases, using excessive expenditure as a way of relieving emotions such as anxiety, frustration or boredom. Although it brings momentary relief, this behavior tends to generate guilt and conflicts in the long run.
“When the person begins to hide what he bought, or is ashamed to show his choices, it is possible that he is entering a cycle of compulsion. From the point of view of behavior analysis, this reveals a low sensitivity to future consequences and a dominance of immediate reinforcement,” explains Arnaldo.
The psychologist, however, points out that not all financial infidelity is linked to compulsion for consumption. According to him, the main cause of the problem remains the lack of confidence and dialogue between the couple, as well as the fear of generating conflicts in the relationship.
How to avoid conflicts about the couple’s finances
There are ways to turn your relationship into a healthier and more communicative environment, where both parties can feel comfortable opening on any subject – including sharing, planning and deciding the couple’s finances in a way that they feel comfortable, without the fear of being punished. Arnaldo Cheixas Dias stresses that it is important that these conversations are not only associated with conflicts.
“Talking about money should be like doing preventive maintenance of a car: we don’t expect him to break to check the engine oil,” the psychologist compared. “Money must be a common project. Couples who talk about values, dreams and financial priorities early on tend to have less conflict and more relationship satisfaction. This reinforces behaviors of transparency, co -responsibility and partnership.”
It suggests therapy as a way to (re) condition the couple’s communication pattern, promote new forms of mutual reinforcement and restructure broken agreements, as well as other offices outside the offices to promote relationship improvement, such as:
- Reserve a monthly value of individual use, without the need for justification;
- Short joint and long term joint goals;
- Have regular meetings to review finances
