Between the martyr, the controller or the one who supports. Clinical psychologist makes the list. And it comes in handy for Thanksgiving dinner.
When talking about complex relationships with family members, it is likely that the first word you say is “mother-in-law”. Especially when the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is at stake.
Tracy Dalgleish is a clinical psychologist and author of the book, published this week.
Throughout her 20-year career, she has often come across the dilemma: daughters-in-law wanting to get along better with their mothers-in-law. That’s why they went to sessions.
Dalgleish explained that women are usually responsible for communication and organizing events – on behalf of the family: “They are the ones who send the messages to arrange the details of the upcoming festive event”, he told .
Therefore, there may be more friction between the two women if they disagree about family traditions or the best way to raise children.
The specialist, based on his experience, created a list of 6 types of mothers-in-law. And he also left one or two tips on how to deal with each one.
Martyr
It can, but with conditions, often. For example: you offer to look after children but then complain about something; or several. It’s important not to let guilt affect your limits.
Victim
You feel like life is just “happening” and you feel powerless. We must not allow ourselves to be “led into believing that it needs to be rescued”.
Blame others
Criticizes and may try to control. To avoid a power struggle, “focus on your chosen family,” the clinical psychologist suggests.
Controller
She insists that there is only one correct way (hers) of doing things, following cultural or religious norms. Suggestion for other family members: it is important to trust the decisions you make.
Distant
Keep your distance, afraid of exceeding your limits. Dalgleish encourages couples to show these types of mothers-in-law how they would like support.
Supporter
This is the “gold mine” of mothers-in-law: willing to listen and offer help. Even in this dynamic, it is important to “work on really clear and healthy communication,” said Dalgleish.
Also in , it is said that “it seems that the key to surviving Thanksgiving dinner (November 27th in the USA) is to know the mother-in-law who will be sitting at the same table. Good luck!”
