Science identifies five discrete signs that reveal greater emotional intelligence than one might imagine.
The importance of technology has long gone beyond the personal sphere. Several studies show that knowing how to understand and manage emotions, both our own and those of others, is associated with better professional performance, greater leadership capacity, stronger relationships and, in many cases, even more appetizing salaries.
However, most people underestimate their own level of emotional intelligence. Five simple questions, resulting from recent research, can help you understand whether you are better emotionally prepared than you think, according to .
1. Prefer asking for advice rather than feedback?
On the surface, asking for feedback seems like an act of openness. However, when unsolicited, this feedback tends to be vague and overly friendly, avoiding details that really help to improve.
Harvard Business School researchers in 2019 found that, when you ask for advice instead of feedback, people offer much more concrete information: more areas where it is possible to improve and more practical suggestions for doing so.
The reason is simple. Asking for feedback puts the other person in an uncomfortable position. Asking for advice, on the contrary, is a gesture of appreciation. It shows respect for the other person’s experience and knowledge, making them more receptive and generous. Those who demonstrate emotional intelligence intuitively realize this: they ask questions like “What should I do?” instead of “How did I do?”, thus obtaining more useful guidance and strengthening relationships.
2. Can you accept negative reviews?
Nobody likes receiving criticism, especially when they didn’t ask for it. And science confirms that most of us tend to quickly reject or forget negative comments, even when they are constructive. Still, emotionally intelligent people distinguish emotional discomfort from opportunity.
A study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning concluded that we tend to remember evaluations of something we’ve already done better than instructions about what we should do in the future. This means that critiques of completed tasks can be particularly valuable for improving skills. Those with emotional intelligence do not personalize criticism, do not interpret it as an attack on character and focus only on what can be learned.
3. Do you often compliment other people?
Lack of recognition is one of the most common complaints in the workplace: millions of professionals feel that they receive praise with very little regularity. Emotionally intelligent people recognize this lack and seek to suppress it in others, offering simple but sincere words of appreciation — to colleagues, family members, professional partners or even strangers.
Unexpected compliments have an especially strong effect: just like a gift given “for no reason”, it makes someone’s day lighter and creates more positive bonds. This practice, in addition to benefiting others, reinforces empathy and the capacity for social connection in those who adopt it.
4. Do you easily accept your mistakes?
Although it goes against the traditional idea that leadership requires infallibility, admitting failures creates an environment where people feel safe to recognize limitations and seek to improve.
This process, known as “vulnerability cycle”increases mutual trust and leads to more cohesive and effective teams. Emotional intelligence manifests itself here in the ability to realize that recognizing weaknesses does not diminish authority — it strengthens it.
5. Do you avoid small talk when you meet someone new?
Science suggests that deeper conversations — even if slightly uncomfortable at first — create much stronger connections than superficial exchanges.
Studies published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology show that conversations that seem awkward bring people closer than they think and make the interaction more rewarding.
