Elton Euler explains how unconscious attitudes can block success, prosperity and even health
How many times have you found yourself repeating family patterns, feeling guilty for wanting something different from your parents or carrying pain that isn’t even yours? According to writer and researcher Elton Euler, the bond between parents and children can be one of the greatest forces of transformation or the most powerful block in a person’s life.
With a history of overcoming marked by 17 bankruptcies before becoming a reference in human development, the specialist speaks with authority about new beginnings and that is why he founded the community called “Divergent Alliance”. Today, with more than 160,000 allies in 60 countries, he believes that there is only evolution when there is courage to let go and live the future, moving forward, which means continuing to love, but in freedom.
He explains that what ties a child to their parents is not love, but emotional dependence. “Can you imagine someone growing and evolving tied to something or someone?” he asks. This dependence, according to him, is born from guilt, fear and emotional debt that create what he calls “permission blockage”, when someone has potential, but does not unconsciously feel authorized to prosper. “Usually what holds one person back is the other’s problems. One goes through problems and the other feels obliged to abort their dreams and plans.”
Who felt it in their skin and was free to tell
It is not easy to break paradigms even more when we talk about society. For AL, a business administrator, life was a break for many years. “I realized in a self-knowledge course that I lived my parents’ lives and not mine. I blamed myself and tried to correct choices that weren’t mine and that would never change. Everything changed when I finally had the courage and left home to be the protagonist of my own story”, she says emotionally.
The 52-year-old PD engineer experienced something similar when he decided to set boundaries between his parents and his current family. “I found myself hostage to a love that was unnatural, seemed toxic for a long time and I needed to rely on therapy to manage the relationship without further damage”, he says.
Elton remembers that genuine love cannot be confused with obligation. “I am unaware of any natural or healthy law that deprives an individual of dreaming and following their own paths to the detriment of choices that the people who came before them made.” He states that many social and religious narratives try to disguise the transfer of responsibilities between generations, and this generates guilt, fear and frustration. “These narratives are a true factory of unconscious blocks and unfortunately, we witness generations of adults who did not prosper, did not develop and did not have a life of their own, blaming the weight of other people’s problems”, he explains.
Mistakes made for love and how to avoid them
But after all, what makes so many people feel paralyzed in front of their parents and how can we avoid this? Elton Euler lists five mistakes that, even if made out of love, can hamper the personal, professional life and even the health of a son or daughter.
- Feeling sorry for the other. “We only feel sorry for someone we don’t believe in.” Compassion is healthy, but pity breeds dependence.
- Imposing a lifestyle on others that they themselves do not want for themselves. Everyone has their own rhythm, their dreams and their path.
- Force yourself to solve other people’s problems. “No one can solve a problem they didn’t create.”
- Expecting one person to give up their dreams to the detriment of what the other is going through. This only generates frustration and resentment.
- Show more problems than dreams. “Few things are heavier and more dangerous than a person without dreams and plans.”
These mistakes, according to the mentor, feed a web of emotional dependence that drains energy and blocks growth. “Whenever what one person is going through is greater than what another is trying, we will have emotional dependence manifested,” he explains. And it interferes with everything: relationships, money, health and purpose. For him, the first step is to understand that freedom is not a lack of love, it is emotional maturity. “The fact that someone loves you does not prevent that person from harming you, even if it is not intended to be harmful,” he states. To love in a healthy way is to wish the other person well without having to carry their burdens.
*This text does not necessarily reflect the opinion of Jovem Pan.
