: people walking around the mall looking like they were in a competition, trying to guess “the right gift” for their boss, mother-in-law, crush, child, co-worker and the secret friend that no one really knows. Meanwhile, some economists look at Christmas with a cold eye: Joel Waldfogel estimated that many gifts are worth 10% to 33% less than what was paid for, a systematic waste of money disguised as affection. The good news is that the literature on gifts has become much more sophisticated in the last two decades and provides clues for making better choices.
A first mistake is to choose for the “wow” of the opening, not for real life. In 2018, Adelle Yang and Oleg Urminsky tested this smile hypothesis: people preferred gifts that promised a more enthusiastic reaction, even admitting that another option would bring more satisfaction over time. This preference decreased when they knew they would not see the opening. When choosing, imagine that you will not be present at the opening. Instead of what will make you smile now, ask what will be good in March. This change brings the choice closer to what the other would like to receive.
Another source of error is the resistance to asking, after all, we are afraid that following the wish list will be uncreative. However, gifts chosen by the recipients tend to be more valued, as corroborated by Francesca Gino and Francis Flynn. They show that the obviousness of the gift bothers the giver more than the receiver.
And the doubt between giving something useful and pleasurable? Elanor Williams and Emily Rosenzweig show that gift givers tend to shy away from utilitarian items for fear of appearing ungenerous, while recipients are more satisfied with something that solves a real problem. This doesn’t mean everyone prefers a frying pan to a massage, but that the fear of the too-practical gift is overblown. At the same time, experiments have an advantage when the goal is . Cindy Chan and Cassie Mogilner show that experiential gifts, such as tickets or courses, generate a greater connection between the giver and the receiver than material objects.
This is where the intuition of giving something superfluous that the person likes, but would not buy for themselves, finds support in literature. When budgets are tight, people prioritize bills and essential items; gifts that support localized luxury, but aligned with known tastes, occupy a range that the person would be difficult to finance alone. This tends to generate more pleasure than yet another generic item she would buy anyway.
There are, however, superfluities that function as disguised criticism. Linnéa Chapman and Farnoush Reshadi tested self-improvement gifts such as fitness gadgets, communication courses and . Recipients reported feelings of judgment, not care, and were more likely to speak negatively about the product. The implicit message weighs more than the intention, especially in relationships marked by asymmetries of self-esteem or power.
The same care applies to vouchers and gift cards. From an economic point of view, they are an elegant approximation of money, with less risk of making mistakes; In practice, many saw dead credit. Bankrate estimated in 2024 that 43% of American adults have at least one unused voucher, averaging $244 per person. If the idea is to give freedom, combine the card with a concrete push: “I want to pay for that dinner you keep putting off, use this voucher until February”.
If the ambition is to reach “almost perfect”, a script involves four questions. First, what the person wants or needs. Second, what kind of life would she like to live in practice: more rest, more reading, more meetings, more comfort at home. Third, what specific luxury does she postpone out of self-restraint that you can afford. Fourth, what message does the gift send about your relationship. There is no need to guess on your own or create new surprises every year or prove love through things. A well-thought-out gift, which respects the recipient, is already a victory against the excesses of December.
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