Although the myth that opposites attract is integrated into relational discourses in such an overwhelming way that it can sometimes even seem to be based on a scientific basis, what happens when half of the couple does not want to go beyond the missionary position while the other half longs to explore BDSM practices, acronym for bondage, domination-discipline, submission-sadism, masochism? Although it is common for couples to have different sexual interests, is it possible to have a healthy relationship when the sexual desires of one of the parties are not satisfied?
ask the media about it. She explains that her husband only wants to practice so-called “vanilla sex,” a term originating within the BDSM community that refers to the softer form of sex, what many consider “normal sex.” The reader’s sexual desires want to explore bondage practices and therefore raises the following question. “Is it ethical for me to try to review the boundaries of the relationship and seek a consensual, non-monogamous relationship where I can explore my fantasies?” kink (unconventional)?”
Conversations and new terms
sexologist, couples therapist and founder of Tapersex, explains that reviewing the agreements of a relationship is always a positive idea since relationships, far from being lifelong contracts that do not evolve, are alive and changing. “It is perfect to recognize that there is something that is not working, that the couple wants to explore new initiatives, that they have new interests and that there is sexual boredom. If you want to open the relationship, it is a process in which to enter little by little and to check what each party feels and renegotiate limits,” he tells S Moda.
The philosopher Kwame Anthony Appiah comments that what will not work in the case presented by the reader is to reclassify the type of fetish she has in mind as something separate from sex, since he considers that then, she would be looking for erotic encounters that involve excitement, vulnerability and intimacy. “Pretending otherwise would be a semantic cop-out, not an ethical solution. You’d be rewriting the rules of the relationship on your own. Your relationship is unlikely to improve, of course, if your sexual frustration turns into resentment, a retreat into bitter semi-celibacy. If that’s what lies ahead, there’s good reason to talk candidly about what you want and what your partner can or can’t give, and see if you can both agree to new terms and boundaries,” he says.
Anastasiia Fedorova, author of (Granta Books, 2025), which in the world of kink and the fetish prioritizes a culture of open and honest communication. “In more normative sexuality, sometimes we follow a script without questioning it too much, but in the kink it is not possible to do so. Everything revolves around expectations and limits, and it is essential to talk about it,” he says. “In practice, being interested in the fetish and the kink It means you’re probably more curious about sexuality in general. The answer, really, is to talk about it,” he adds.
sexologist, sociologist and spokesperson for JOYClub, indicates that one of the reasons that lead people to explore non-monogamy may be the desire to explore sexuality further. He also points out that one of the main myths of romantic love is the idea that couples must satisfy each other completely in all areas of life, including sexual life. “It is not strange that people think that if they have sexual fantasies with sexual practices kink or outside the regulations, your partner should comply with them, so if he or she does not, the usual options are three. The person with fantasies kink is unfaithful, the person without fantasies kink agrees to carry out practices that he does not want to please the partner or the person with fantasies kink “She lives a limited and frustrating sexuality and, sometimes, she can even lose her sexual desire by having an erotica that does not represent her,” he comments.
“There are monogamous couples who agree that it is okay to fool around with strangers at parties, when for others it is unthinkable. There are couples who consider masturbation to be infidelity, when for others autoeroticism can be something totally normal and everyday in the relationship. If the boundaries are different for each person, why shouldn’t a couple be able to agree explicitly and freely that they can explore their kinks outside the relationship, but without involving sexual practices or romantic feelings? Of course it can be agreed,” he says. He points out that what is appropriate is for each couple to agree on what sex means to them, what can be shared with third parties and what cannot so that these decisions are made by explicit consensus and reflecting beyond the socially imposed standards, thus reflecting on what they really want and desire.
the movie Babygirl begins with Nicole Kidman reaching orgasm with her husband in what could seem like a synchronized climax made in Hollywood. But immediately she goes to another room and masturbates while watching a BDSM video, something that, like Laura Ramadei, indicates that she is not satisfied with the “vanilla” relationships that prevail in her marriage, desires that, as the film tells us, since they are not desires within the couple, are what lead her to be unfaithful.
Exploration and monogamy
The reader who sent her sexual doubts to The New York Times Add another doubt to your query. “Is there an ethical way to frame the exploration of these practices?” kink “as something non-sexual and, therefore, without affecting monogamy?” he asks before clarifying that in some of the acts he would like to explore there would be physical contact without genital contact or exposure while in other cases, there would be genital exposure, but without contact.
Eva Moreno, Gleeden contributor, highlights the idea that a spanking session, shibariimmobilization or roles of domination and submission can be highly erotic practices in which there does not have to be genital contact, but they are examples that show that it is a mistake to reduce sexuality to such limited visions. “Sexuality also includes power roles, fantasies, looks, emotions… Both one practice and the other would break monogamy and non-monogamy agreements if they are not agreed upon,” he says. Is it then possible to explore without breaking monogamy? Consider that it is possible to do so if both parties accept the relationship, decide to explore and set limits with explicit agreements. “In the event that it is for individual exploration, it is essential to clarify what the acts are limited to, whether to fantasies, theoretical workshops or even as in the case of Kidman in Babygirl at the beginning of the movie, to see content kink on the internet,” explains the sexologist.
The curious thing is that Dr. Margie Nichols believes that couples who have sex kink They have the best sex of all the couples he serves, so on more than one occasion, he “teaches” his principles to conventional heterosexuals. “These couples plan sex in advance and keep it on a slow burn for days. They prioritize the quality of the encounter over the frequency. They practice variety and exploration. They do not judge their partner’s desires. They discuss and negotiate sexual acts, and they mark a clear difference between the ‘normal’ couple zone and the ‘sexual zone’, allowing them to fully immerse themselves in an erotic space,” .
In the end, Moreno concludes, sexual and relational ethics are not so much about finding shortcuts, but about having difficult and honest conversations.
