Here’s a way to deal with tense moments. Avoid overloading. It’s an opportunity for growth.
We are already very close to Natal and from New Year’s Eve. And we are already very close to parties, dinners and lunches, gatherings – which are not always a pleasure for those who are there.
These moments, typical at the end of the year, are a challenge, but they can also be opportunities to growth.
We’re in a room, or some other space, but we don’t really want to be there. We have difficulty getting along with that group. It happens.
But, in between, conversations with people who offer support transform the tension of parties into meaningful introspection.
These are emotionally intense experiences, which can be overcome more easily with 70-20-10 development modelhighlights the .
Explains how people grow — not in theory, but in real life.
Christmas and New Year’s Eve parties feature these three ingredients… in abundance.
70%: challenges
70% of growth comes from challenging experiences — those that take us out of our comfort zone. Like this time of year, yes.
We come across comments that seem too harsh to us, there is disagreement about schedules or expectations, an old family dynamic reappears (which we don’t always like), there is the pain of grief or distance, or the overload of trying to please everyone.
And how about looking at these moments, not as obstacles, but as part of growth? And how about thinking about this, not as failures, but rather as moments to be overcome?
Psychologists call it guidance for learning: see challenges as opportunities for growth, rather than threats to avoid.
This is what we already know: it doesn’t make the moment easier but it changes the way we interpret and react.
20%: relationships
20% of growth comes from relations, the conversations that help us process our experiences. It could be a boyfriend, a brother, a friend; or a therapist, a priest…
They are people that we help in different aspects: noticing patterns, reminding us that we are not failing, offering alternative perspectives, or reflecting how much we have already grown. They even help us laugh at ourselves.
10%: formal learning
Finally, the last 10% of growth, of development, comes from formal learning: articles we read (including this one), concepts that we study, structures that we carry, skills that we practice in quieter moments.
These tools are rarely perfect at the moment. But then, they help us to reflect with less shame and more clarity.
Knowledge alone does not transform us — but it supports the slow work that does.
