The problem is not necessarily in non-monogamy, but in the emotional inequality that arises when one of the parties accepts something (without knowing it) that goes against their desires, values or limits.
More and more young adults are living in “gray zone” relationships, where exclusivity is often assumed but rarely discussed clearly.
The trend was recently confirmed in a new ClarityCheck survey, carried out with 3890 adults between 18 and 35 years old, cited by . And it is associated with the concept of “I will take it away” — a term used to describe relationships in which there is a mismatch between what each person wants or accepts, leading one of the partners to tolerate, explicitly or implicitly, certain attitudes, including the other’s infidelity.
According to data cited in the survey, 34% of respondents say they do not know whether their romantic relationship is exclusive. In practice, many end up ignoring the possibility that their partner is getting involved with other people.
The study also indicates that 42% of participants waited more than three months in the relationship before talking about exclusivity, while 28% say they never directly addressed the topic.
Here we enter the field of famous “situationships” — undefined relationships, in which there is emotional or sexual involvement, but without commitment actually made.
Digital communication appears as one of the factors that aggravate this ambiguity. According to the survey, 59% of respondents say that seeing the person they are interested in interacting with others on social media has discouraged them from asking for exclusivity. Another 31% say that online discourse about dating and commitment has influenced their approach to relationships.
Clinical psychologist Hal Shorey, quoted in Psychology Today, notes that before smartphones, people tended to give their partners more opportunities, precisely because meeting someone new required more effort. Now, the idea is emerging on social media that “there is always someone else available”.
The survey also reveals that 44% of participants felt stress or anxiety due to the ambiguity surrounding exclusivity. Furthermore, 38% said they had already assumed exclusivity in a relationship in which the other person did not share that expectation.
How tolialove ruins relationships
1. Sexual health
In addition to the emotional impact, a lack of clarity can have implications for sexual health. Assuming that a relationship is exclusive when it is not may lead to less caution.
2. Injustice
One of the main risks highlighted is the creation of a unfair power dynamics.
When a person feels pressured to accept that their partner maintains relationships with other people, even though they feel uncomfortable, they end up giving up their needs to preserve the relationship.
On the other hand, the partner who seeks more freedom may, consciously or unconsciously, benefit from this silence. If you don’t encounter explicit resistance, you may interpret acceptance as agreement—or even feel authorized to go further.
3. Resentment
This tension also tends to breed resentment. The person who just “tolerates” the new configuration may feel betrayed, replaced or devalued.
Those looking for an open relationship may feel limited by a partner who does not share the same desire. Over time, frustration builds up on both sides, making the relationship increasingly difficult to sustain.
4. Limits
Another central point concerns the limits established at the beginning of the relationship.
If the couple began with the expectation of monogamy and exclusive commitment, a shift to an open dynamic represents a profound alteration of the initial agreement.
It is legitimate for people to change their opinions throughout their lives, but this change does not oblige others to follow it. Without genuine agreement, the relationship becomes based on an unequal commitment.
