Kai was in sixth grade when the teacher mentioned a name that caught his attention in class: , the man responsible for overseeing the largest concentration and extermination camp in , had the same last name as him.
“Obviously, I started paying attention because it sounded familiar,” Kai Höss tells BBC radio program Outlook. “I realized it was our last name, with the same spelling as my birth certificate.”
But what the young man didn’t imagine was that his perspicacity would lead him to discover a dark family secret:
“‘Yes’, my mother told me, ‘he’s your grandfather’.”
According to the testimony of Rudolf Höss himself during the historical events — in which much of the Nazi command was tried for their actions during the — more than 1,130,000 people, most of them European Jews, were murdered in the .
And Kai had just discovered that he was a direct descendant of the main architect of the massacre.
“It was shocking, unbelievable, who wants to have someone like that as a grandfather?”
Today, Kai Höss — an ambitious hotel manager who traveled the world and ended up becoming an evangelical pastor in his homeland — recalls how this revelation as a teenager changed his life, and talks about the moment he was finally able to confront his past with his father.
A normal childhood
Kai says that he had a peaceful childhood, playing in the huge yard at his parents’ house, and that there was never any mention of Nazi ideology in his house.
“Actually, my father was always very kind, a very quiet person. You had to try very hard to get a smile or a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ from him.”
He made a good match with his mother, who he described as “quite enterprising, always maintaining good impressions in the village, a small place where everyone knows you.”
Kai says that it was precisely because of the silent nature of his father, Hans Jürgen Höss, that he never knew about his past, nor about his childhood living near an extermination camp.
“I think I only once heard him say that he remembered something about when Uncle Heiney, that is — the commander of the Nazi forces — had come from Berlin with toys for him for Christmas.”
“I don’t know how much he remembered, I mean, [meu pai] I was six or seven years old when all this happened.”
The few mentions that Hans had made to Kai about his grandfather referred to a present and loving father: “My father had good experiences with his father; for example, they went boating on the river, and that was what he shared with us .”
That’s why Kai never imagined what he would find when he started reading the copy of his grandfather’s memoir that his mother kept at home.
Memories of Auschwitz
While awaiting execution — he would be hanged near the crematorium of the Auschwitz 1 camp in April 1947 — Rudolf Höss wrote his autobiography.
In his memoirs, Höss described in an almost methodical style the horrors for which he was responsible during the four years he was in Auschwitz:
We discussed the forms and methods of extermination.
This could only be done by means of gas, as it would have been absolutely impossible to get rid of the expected large number of people shooting at them, and it would have been a heavy burden for the SS men (Nazi security forces) tasked with doing this, especially due to the presence of women and children among the victims.
After Kai Höss learned he was the grandson of the Auschwitz commandant, he found the copy of his grandfather’s memoirs that his mother had kept for years.
“I think she wanted to know. The fact is, she didn’t even know. They met, they had me, and my father never told her who he was, until an aunt read an article about him in a magazine and asked my mother: ‘Isn’t that your husband?'”
Kai says that although his father told his mother the truth, he never openly discussed what he considered to be something shameful. So when Kai found the book, his mother encouraged him to read it.
“I was heartbroken when I read his statements and the things he said in such a cold and clinical way,” he recalls.
“When people do things, they tend to justify them, and you can justify just about anything, right? And he did.”
A whirlwind of emotions took over Kai. “Shame, guilt, disbelief. It was difficult for me to process that I’m related to someone who did something like this, and at a time that is difficult in itself, as a teenager.”
The commander’s grandson
As if this turmoil in young Kai’s life wasn’t enough, soon after learning the truth about his family, his parents decided to divorce.
“It was a very messy divorce,” Kai recalls.
“There were restraining orders and everything. And we, as children, were in the middle of this situation. If it hadn’t been for that, maybe we would have talked about it, but the constant tension between my parents overshadowed everything.”
This dark past, coupled with a promising career in the hotel sector, kept Kai away from Germany for more than 30 years.
He got married, traveled the world and lived in the USA for a few years, always avoiding returning to the home that no longer existed.
“It had to do with my parents’ divorce, and the lack of a home. A lot of bridges were burned, and my relationship with my mother was very difficult. I didn’t want to bring my family into this dysfunctional family dynamic.”
During these 30 years, Kai never spoke to his father.
“After the divorce, my father just disappeared. The reason was that he cheated on my mother, he had someone else. He changed his name, and it wasn’t until almost 30 years later, when we returned to Germany, that the phone rang.”
“I didn’t recognize the number. I asked who it was, and he said, ‘Your father’.”
Kai states that, as difficult as it was knowing what had happened all this time, hearing his father’s voice again was an opportunity he wanted to take advantage of.
“When he called me, I wanted to be angry with this man. I wanted to say to him, ‘How can you love us when you haven’t communicated for 30 years? But he had found a new wife, and they had children and a new family. .”
“I felt bad, but I thought, You know what, he’s my dad, and I love him. He’s an old man now, he’s in his 80s, let’s build a relationship.”
Return to Auschwitz
In an attempt to confront his past, Kai and his 87-year-old father, Hans Jürgen Höss, decided to be part of the documentary The Commander’s Shadow and tell your story.
In the film, which premiered at the Sedona Film Festival in the USA, the two are confronted with the intergenerational trauma caused by Rudolf Höss’ actions when he met one of the victims of Auschwitz.
“The most powerful thing for me, what touched my heart, was meeting this 90-year-old woman, who suffered in the concentration camp, and her being in our house, having a coffee with us, and seeing her smile.”
“Realize that there is reconciliation, understanding, forgiveness, love. Yes, it can be achieved.”
Furthermore, Kai and Hans visited Auschwitz.
“That week, I was heartbroken. I cried every day at different times. Seeing this factory, this thing that my grandfather created to exterminate people.”
“We recorded on the platforms where trains with Jews from all over Europe arrived, they were transported like cattle to Auschwitz, some died due to the conditions of the journey.”
“It’s one of the deepest marks left in my heart.”
Even more painful was the experience of Hans, who read excerpts from his father’s book for the first time and visited the place where he was taken to the gallows, condemned for his crimes against humanity.
“You could see him crying,” Kai recalls of his father’s visit to Auschwitz.
“He was standing there silently with his walker, and he said something like, ‘My father received just punishment for his crimes.'”
Kai says he has already discussed the crimes committed by his grandfather with his two children, aged 12 and seven, and hopes to keep the dialogue open with them in the future, because he believes it is important to keep the experience of the Holocaust alive to prevent it from happening again.
“We have to make the kids so moved that they leave the room saying, ‘This is the saddest, most terrible thing, we have to do whatever it takes to make sure this never happens again.'”
*This report was adapted from an interview with presenter Jo Fidgen from the BBC radio program Outlook, produced by Julian Siddle. (in English) the entire program.
