From graduation discourses to career advice columns, the recommendation to “follow your passion” is everywhere. But a series of research shows that we rarely hit first. Seeking a passion can lead to exhaustion or misalignment with the person you have become.
So why is it so hard for someone to give up something it is – or has it been – in love?
In our newly published research, we identified a central barrier: the fear of being tried for giving up a passion. Whether a teacher rethinking the classroom or a nurse considering leaving medicine, many people fear being seen as immoral or incompetent when abandoning what they have already considered their purpose.
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But here is the turnaround: this fear most of the time is not confirmed.
In one study, we asked professionals in love with their work to imagine giving up on him. Then we asked how they thought they would be tried in terms of character and competence. Then we asked another group of external observers to evaluate these same professionals in the face of the hypothesis of abandoning their passion.
The difference was stark: those who followed their passion hoped to be judged much harder than they really were. This effect appeared only when renunciation involved a passion. When we asked about giving up a job whereby they had little or no attachment (something closer to “a job to pay the bills”), the perception of judgment hit what others really thought.
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Why this disconnection? We found that people who live their passion tend to ruminate over all the reasons they would give up a sign of failure. Observers, without the emotional weight of the decision, saw otherwise: For them, giving up was an opportunity to reconnect something more aligned with what one really wants.
Most importantly, this fear of judgment does not only affect what people think, but also what they do. In a study of doctoral students highly in love with their research, we saw that the more they feared being judged for giving up, the less likely they were denouncing exploratory or unfair conditions in their programs. Complaining or positioning yourself against these situations could be interpreted as a sign of detachment from your passion – which reinforced the fear of seeming dropouts. And this pattern is not restricted to the academy: we observe similar dynamics between teachers and nurses.
In another study, we tested a way to reduce this fear. We recruited teachers who were – or had been – in love with teaching and who thought of giving up in the last 12 months. We said half of them that people actually overestimate how hard they will be judged to give up their professional passion. Two weeks later, when measuring their intentions, we saw that they were more inclined to act towards the change than the control group – for example, making an exit plan or seeking help to review the resume.
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In other words, showing people that their fears of judgment are exaggerated can help them take the next step toward a new passion.
