Thousands of foreign volunteers fought in Ukraine in four years of war, but not all are convinced they made the right choice. The dissolution of one of the international brigades exposed the problems: heavy losses, lack of communication and scarcity of resources. For many, the only solution is to abandon the defense of Ukraine.
Harm recently returned to the Netherlands. The Dutchman volunteered on the front lines of the war in Ukraine. Disillusioned, he returned home with the bitter feeling of having narrowly escaped an announced death.
“The air is full of drones. They’re pointing at you. It makes your insides freeze.”
Harm was a drone pilot in the International Brigade. The group, now dismantled by the Ukrainian Army, accumulated high losses and faced many difficulties in internal communication. Foreign volunteers often felt left to their own devices.
“We eat, sleep and do everything in a hole. There are a lot of rats that run over you while you sleep.”
As a drone pilot, he monitored Russian troop movements, but his work never took him away from the line of fire. The psychological pressure was constant: each step out of shelter could be the last.
A spiritual motivation and a shock with reality
Harm admits the decision to leave wasn’t just political. It was personal and, to some extent, spiritual.
“I wanted guidance. I had no choice. It was a message from above. I’m not the best Christian, but it was one of the reasons I went.”
Before reaching the front line, Harm helped with logistical tasks, including transporting the bodies of Ukrainian soldiers. Remember the containers full of dead people and the emotional difficulty of dealing with those moments. Training as a drone operator then took him to combat zones. And it was there that, for the first time, he realized the size of the imbalance of resources between Russians and Ukrainians.
“We have little of everything. We work with what we have. The enemy is stronger, we are a little smarter, but the enemy is still stronger.”
“I felt like I was on a suicide mission”
The Dutch volunteer lasted two weeks on the front line. The intensity of the fighting and the lack of resources convinced him to tear up the contract and ask for an immediate return to his country. The decision still weighs heavily on Harm.
“My head is still there. Life here doesn’t really matter. Many friends were and are still without me. Of course I feel like I abandoned them.”
Harm’s testimony comes at a time when several military sources confirm recurring difficulties in international brigades: lack of equipment, operational wear and tear and divergent expectations between volunteers and Ukrainian command.
