I learned through pain: if I have chocolate at home, my life becomes hell. I spend my days thinking about him, while I fight not to think about him. After a lot of suffering, I made a difficult decision: not to buy chocolate anymore (like stop buying cigarettes, just stop).
What I didn’t realize was that I could receive the chocolate as a gift. For these situations, I had to develop a new technique: I thank the treat and, when I get home, I eat it whole. That’s right, I devour the chocolate whole. I only calm down after crushing the packaging and throwing it in the trash, like a basketball. Sometimes I can’t resist and go on a rampage in the car, but that’s another story. Of course, I often get sick halfway through, but I keep going until the end. What is a Vonau compared to the serenity of sleeping knowing that you only have unsweetened bananas in the pantry?
When it’s a large quantity, like an Easter egg, it can take me a few days to finish it. The issue is the lack of physical time, after all, in addition to eating chocolate, we have to work, take the child to school, those bittersweet things in life. As long as it exists, every time I go into my room to get, for example, my glasses, I will remember that the darn thing is in the nightstand drawer (or in a suitcase at the top of the closet, it doesn’t matter) and I will be drawn to it like a child to a Ri Happy store.
There was a time when I thought my compulsion was for sugar, known as a drug. In fact, if I consume a sweet after lunch, after a while I’ll want another one. And, if I continue to indulge in sweets during the day, before going to sleep I run the risk of reaching for a can of condensed milk, with a spoon in my hand and looking like a psychopath.
After villainizing União sugar, I switched to diet chocolate. People say: “You know you’re fooling yourself, right? It has the same calories as normal.” In fact, the mistake was believing that my addiction was just for the sugar that was mixed with the cocoa. My even more voracious compulsion is for chocolate. It doesn’t matter how much cocoa butter, whey or sucralose goes into it.
One tricky thing is that chocolate packaging is never a faint elephant gray color. They always have vibrant colors, just like at McDonald’s, which research has already indicated that they whet the appetite. One more strategy: never enter the supermarket aisle where they wait for you with open arms.
But there’s one place where you can’t avoid them: the pharmacy. We are there buying medicine to control anxiety and, when we get to the checkout, what is there? A display full of chocolates of all sorts (unfortunately for us), resting, innocently, in the middle of cereal bars and Epocler. I confess: I always leave there with a bar. Today I opt for Linea with milk or white with Oreo, have you tried it yet? Don’t prove it. I justify it to myself, saying that it’s a small reward for the time I spent at the counter waiting for the attendant to type in an infinite form, with infinite steps, and also call the pharmacist, who is inevitably busy, to see if my infinite medications match the prescription.
Now, come here: why avoid chocolate and not give in to the pleasure? I could say that it is “bad for your health”. I wouldn’t be wrong. But, let’s be honest, the thing has more to do with the abdomen, precisely, with the fanny pack and the tire.
In my case, in fact, it is bad for my health: it makes my labyrinthitis worse. In a crisis of abysmal dizziness, contrary to the contraindication, after receiving two dense bars of chocolate for my birthday from my sister – who thought I was a reasonable human being like her, who eats two squares a day –, I “tried” my entire gift. That day, I just didn’t end up in the hospital because it was late, so I took all the medicine to calm down the maze and slept. The other day, I realized there was another bar in the gift bag. I was sorry, but there was no way, I had it looked at. The result was that it incapacitated me for good and I had to see a doctor, who had already given me that letter a long time ago. He made a face, as if he had eaten dark chocolate, and blurted out: “Do I need to talk?”
It is important to know that not all chocolates are created equal. There are several types. For example:
- To stop crying: drink milk. After the last comic, you can dry the tears you had;
- For anxiety: Bis;
- At the end of the soap opera: box of chocolates of any kind;
- To cure a breakup: in this case, you will need to invest in harder drugs, found in Kopenhagen. Commonly agreed term: cat’s tongue. If you were the one who finished: slab. He got dumped on WhatsApp: nhá-benta box.
- To remember childhood: chocolate-flavored coin;
- To lock your jaw (it’s so sweet): Laka;
- To eat in secret, two cases:
1. Red Lindt polka dots, so you don’t have to share them with anyone.
2. Chocolate-flavored umbrella from Pan, so I don’t have to assume you still love it (I speak for myself).
And there are the controversial ones: I thought everyone hated chocolate with strawberry filling. I’m mistaken. Sensation is a sensation! One more thing: do you know the plum bonbon from the Nestlé Specialties box? I was one of ten people who liked him. I think these people were dying and it, unfortunately, fell into disuse.
The truth is that I can even avoid chocolate. In fact, in large doses, it is bad for your health. But, in small doses it is essential for health, even mental. And the pleasure of eating a chocolate after dinner, watching a series, there is no compulsion, labyrinthitis or a few extra pounds that will take me off.
*This text does not necessarily reflect the opinion of Jovem Pan.
