The term “Frankensteining” has been gaining prominence on social media to describe an increasingly common phenomenon in dating and relationships.
It refers to the attempt to transform the partner into something they are not, molding them according to the idealized image you have of what you would like them to be.
The expression is inspired by “Frankenstein”, the scientist creates a creature from parts in the novel by Mary Shelleypublished in 1818. Both Frankenstein and his creature subsequently gave rise to countless films, although almost none can be described as a romantic comedy.
According to , this phenomenon occurs when you seek to change the appearance, interests, habits, behaviors or even the personality of the person with whom you have a romantic relationship, so that it better corresponds to your preferences.
In most cases, the objective is to bring the partner closer to what is imagined to be the ideal companion. This may include encouraging you to change jobs or careers to one you feel is more suitable, renew your wardrobe, change your hairstyle, change your makeup or even resort to cosmetic surgery procedures.
Many people end up turning their partner into a “Frankenstein” without even realizing it. They are often unaware of the negative impact this behavior can have, both on the other’s self-esteem and on the relationship itself.
There are several reasons why someone tries to change their partner, and not all result from bad intentions. For example, imagine that you are in a relationship with someone stuck in a dead-end job that you hate. Encouraging you to pursue a professional activity that brings you fulfillment can be a positive and motivating gesture.
However, what begins as encouragement can quickly turn into “Frankensteinization” when motivation shifts from care to control.
Furthermore, some people create a “Frankenstein” because they fall more in love with their partner’s potential than with the real person, with their qualities and imperfections.
“Many people create a “Frankenstein” of their partner as a result of idealized thinking, projecting onto them the image of the perfect partner. This transformation tends to begin when the initial enthusiastic phase of the relationship fades and characteristics of the partner that seem less desirable begin to emerge”, explained the researcher Sara Sloan.
According to Sloan, this is a relatively common pattern in relationships. Still, he stressed that it is much healthier and more respectful to recognize an incompatibility and follow different paths than trying to force a relationship or profoundly change the other person’s identity.
