A study indicates that most people fall in love “for real” at least twice in their lives.
Even the symbol of true love, the origin of marmalade cheese, Romeo and Juliet, has a love trio. It was Rosaline, Juliet’s cousin, who was Romeo’s original romantic interest. For the general idea that there is “the one” is a fantasy. Or, at least, that’s the conclusion of researchers at the Kinsey Institute.
In a new study, researchers suggest that for most people, passionate love appears a few times throughout their lives, more than once — on average, about twice.
The survey is based on responses from more than 10,000 single adults in the United States, who were asked directly: “Throughout your life, how many times have you been passionately in love?”
The average number of experiments reported was 2,05. The most frequent value (statistical mode) was also two: almost one in three participants said they had experienced this type of fiery passion twice.
Reports of having experienced great love only once appear as the second most common scenario, indicated by around two in every seven respondents.
There were few who never felt passionate love for someone (or at least admitted it) and those who felt love twice were twice as many as those who felt it three times. A minority—about one in nine participants—reported four experiences.
To main author, Amanda Gesselmancited in , further explains that the numbers varied little between different characteristics of the participants. Heterosexual people reported, on average, a similar number of passionate love experiences when compared to homosexual, lesbian and bisexual people. And older participants reported only a slight increase compared to younger participants.
However, young heterosexual men reported more episodes of passionate love than young heterosexual women. Even so, the team itself describes the effect as “very small”.
This discrepancy may reflect socialization differences — that is, different ways in which boys and girls learn to feel, seek or initiate romantic connections — the authors believe. But this pattern was not repeated among non-heterosexual participants: between homosexual, lesbian and bisexual men and women, no gender differences were noted.
The researchers themselves emphasize, despite everything, that their study is cross-sectional — captures a moment in time — and, therefore, does not allow us to infer causes or explain how or why passionate love develops.
The investigation into Interpersona: An International Journal on Personal Relationships is also based on self-storywhich can introduce inaccuracies in memory, in the interpretation of the concept of “passionate love” or in the way each person evaluates past experiences.
Additionally, the sample includes only single peoplewhich reduces representation among the general population. The work also did not consider some identities and relational models, such as asexual, aromantic people or polyamorous relationships, it is highlighted.
