Or at any stage of life, it is a state of isolation that, when it is not chosen, is considered a secondary emotion that comes from sadness, which would be primary emotion; Thus it is defined by the general health psychologist specialized in infant-juvenile and adult therapy. “That is, we feel loneliness when we perceive no, and that generates that sense of disconnection. In that case, the function of that emotion is to inform ourselves that we need to link, that we need connection.” Now, loneliness can also be a personal choice. There are people who seek voluntarily, to listen, enjoy their own company or do things they like, as Ampuero continues: “In these cases, it is not related to sadness, but rather to joy, because that time in solitude contributes.
“In consultation it is observed that many who prefer to spend time alone, devote themselves to their hobbies, But when we explore a little more we see that many times behind that apparent choice there is actually an avoidance, “continues the psychologist.” Are there teenagers who choose to be alone? I do not think it is a conscious and voluntary choice. This stage is a moment where the same are very important, the sense of belonging, being seen by my classmates, by my colleagues, is very relevant, ”says El. Coinciding with Ampuero, Guerrero explains that some young people have low self -esteem or are more shy and choose to be alone, but perhaps not consciously,“ they do it as a mechanism of flight, more than anything as an avoidance mechanism. ” In the idea that for a teenager it is essential to feel belonging, to be with their peers and identify with them, ”he says.
“Indeed, they are not being isolated because they want to, but because they are afraid of social interaction, because they feel shame or insecurity. And although, in reality there are deeper emotions, such as fear, sadness or low self -esteem, which are being hidden,” adds Ampuero. In addition, according to the psychologist, this type of isolation is very reinforced by the use of technology, because it offers them immediate distraction and short -term gratification: see videos on YouTube, play video games, be on social networks … that entertains them, but also moves them more away from real ties.
“Adolescence is a very long stage in time, which can occur from 10, 11, 12 years until the adult stage,” he emphasizes. “It is true that for the sense of belonging of the adolescent the social is very important, but there are many who, in many moments, decide to be alone. It is that stage in which the door of the room closes and they need to be themselves and they like to explore their hobbies self -sufficiently and discover what begins to like or not. There is a part of loneliness chosen, ”he clarifies.
But there is no other. Ampuero points out that there are several signs to which fathers and mothers can be attentive: “The first thing is the changes in habits. Sometimes they are small, other times more evident. For example, they stop having appetite or eat much more, they sleep a lot or have difficulty reconciling, they no longer want to leave home or do not ask for it, and the contact with their friends is significantly reduced.” Another sign, he explains, may be precisely that they are locked in his room: “By emotions that he does not understand or does not want to share, he usually takes refuge in his room. There he can evade with technology or simply isolate himself because he does not know how to manage what he is feeling. But this, although at first he calms him, ends up reinforcing the isolation further.” Finally, it ensures that a very important symptom, and that it is often overlooked, is irritability: “in adolescents sadness or depressive symptoms do not always manifest as in adults., But it is more frequent that they show frequent anger, even with aggressive behaviors.”
How parents can help
“Obviously, it is not the same as my son tells me: ‘Oh, mom, I go to my room for a while that you are very heavy! To know how hobbieswanting to go to a concert of someone you like. ”Melús clarifies that it is not about being at the same level as them, because they will always see their parents as people who are already“ out of wave ”, or that many occasions do not understand what they want.
“Above all, parents should help their son from understanding and unconditional look,” Guerrero takes up. “And understanding very well in which phase your brain is: that it is growing, it is maturing. They do not have a mature brain, and they continue to need the example, support, accompany from delivery, but without continuously judging what their behavior is. And above all, offering help,” Melús affects. For the pedagogue it is very important that the parents understand that it is not a personal thing: “that our son would behave the same having any other mother or any other father. And our way of helping him is from understanding and empathy, understanding that this stage will also happen and that it is usual, and that it is part of a normal and healthy development”.
“The first is to be able to speak openly about emotions, and, therefore, also of loneliness,” says Ampuero. “Help to understand that sometimes we do not choose to be alone, but that we are forced for fear, by insecurity, for fear of being judged. Show him naturally.” And then, as he adds, it is also important to put standards and limits, especially on vacation: “It is very common to think: ‘Well, at least if you feel only to use technology, it is distracted’, but that does not really help them. They momentarily relieve them, but in the long run it reinforces the isolation. Put healthy limits and encourage positive habits is key. For example, propose to go out to take a walk every day, to do some day. Safe environment, which is home. ” And from there, according to the psychologist, you can gradually move forward towards other types of interactions: “We can also suggest ideas that bring others closer without pressing it. For example: go down to the pool of the community, stay with a partner with whom he feels safe, go to some group activity. But always respecting his times and without judging his difficulties.” “And, above all,” says Ampuero, “if we observe signs of unwanted loneliness accompanied by low self -esteem, social problems or depressive symptoms, it is time to consider professional.”
