Liberating football: Manchester City player says she only discovered she was gay after entering the sport

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Manchester City right-back Kerstin Casparij always knew she “liked girls”.

But while growing up in Heerenveen, a small town in the north of the Netherlands, she didn’t even know that “being gay was an option.”

It was only when she became a first-team player for Heerenveen, aged 15, that she encountered the LGBTQ+ community.

“Being gay or queer wasn’t necessarily ‘normal’. I didn’t know anyone who was,” he told BBC Sport.

Queer is an umbrella English term that refers to sexual and gender identities that do not fit heteronormative standards.

“When we had to walk in pairs at school, I always wanted to hold other girls’ hands and be the prince in plays. It’s stereotypical, but I knew I liked girls.”

“It was such a taboo that I thought I had to like boys. I had boyfriends who were just my best friends. I thought that was love,” he declared.

“I liked them, but not like that. It was confusing when I was a teenager. I didn’t have feelings [por garotos]. Was that weird? What do I do with this?”

Now that she has built a successful career in the English Women’s Super League, starring at Manchester City — who are second in the table — Casparij wants to be an ally to other women.

‘I want to be a woman who helps other women’

The 25-year-old, who has won 48 caps for the Dutch national team, found love in Manchester, where she settled down with her partner, Ruth, who she met on a dating app.

Today, an openly lesbian woman, Casparij says the community is “close to her heart.”

“It was difficult until I got into women’s football. It was normal and it was talked about openly [em Heerenvenn]. I learned a lot about myself. I didn’t have that when I was younger, I had a lot of doubts and questions”, he declared.

“I would lie awake at night thinking ‘is this weird or am I weird?’ Being able to be that role model now with my partner, for so many girls, is very important.”

Casparij has a platform to promote the inclusion of women in football and has made the most of it.

She wears rainbow laces on her soccer cleats, rainbow armbands, regularly posts messages of LGBTQ+ support on social media, and in April, she dedicated a goal to the trans community.

“I think it’s very important to talk about this and support people because nowadays, in modern society, if something isn’t against you, you don’t say anything,” he says.

“It’s important to stand up for people who need it, so they feel supported. For example, the trans community. I care about these people, I want to show that I’m with them. I hope to inspire other people to do the same. I believe we need more unity and a sense of community.”

The athlete has supported several campaigns — she recently became godmother of the LGBTQ Foundation, helping to fund support lines against domestic violence and transphobia.

“I think queer women are going through a difficult time and I want to help them have safe spaces,” she highlights.

“On the issue of domestic violence, for example, queer women are often forgotten. I want to make sure they have a place to heal and to talk to. I want to be a woman who helps other women.”

She also wants to serve as a role model for young lesbian women, the kind of representation she wishes she had had as a child.

“It’s nice to be able to stop others from doubting themselves. It’s about helping them understand why they feel the way they feel. I’ve always loved being around queer people. Feeling included and supported is important. All I want is to spread the love.”

‘It’s my duty to defend them’.

Casparij believes women’s football is “a very inclusive space” in general and enjoys interacting with fans at league games.

However, cases of racism against female players in England have been recorded recently, mainly on social media.

Tottenham players stopped kneeling before kick-off after striker Jess Naz was the target of racial insults online.

England defender Jess Carter suffered the same during Euro 2025.

And Casparij’s teammate Khadija Shaw was the victim of racial abuse last season.

As a show of unity this month, Casprij joined her Manchester City teammates and Arsenal opponents in a circle on the pitch before City’s 3-2 victory at Manchester’s Joie Stadium.

She later posted a message on Instagram stating that racism is a burden shared by everyone and should not be borne alone.

“It’s Black History Month, which we want to celebrate, and we’d also like to do something that has an impact,” explained Casparij.

“We felt that coming together for each other was the most impactful statement we could make. It’s a burden on everyone. If one of my teammates is the victim of a racial slur, it hurts me. I’m a white woman, I don’t know what it’s like to go through that, but seeing them upset hurts me. It’s my duty to defend and support them,” she highlighted.

“We really wanted to spread this message, that we are here for them, that we do not accept racism in any way and that it has no place in football.”

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