Fear of social exclusion may explain the increasingly famous FOMO, research suggests.
“Oh, man!”. Quem viu a série How I Met Your Mother (That’s How It Happened) you certainly remember , from the episode “Blitzgiving”, from the sixth season. It is a social curse that affects the person who leaves a party, dinner or meeting with friends early and, therefore, misses an iconic event that will be remembered forever by everyone present and, therefore, leaves the cursed person out. When “Blitz”, condemned to miss the best moments of his life, left the division, anything could happen.
In fact, the Blitz is a comical version of the so-called FOMO (fear of missing out or, in free translation, fear of missing a moment or fear of being left out) — an acronym increasingly echoed on social media and by young people around the world. We all feel this anxiety, some more than others. But what explains this?
The phenomenon could actually be less linked to the fear of missing a fun moment and more associated with the fear of miss opportunities for social connection. This is the main recent conclusion by Rifkin, Chan and Kahn (2025), which points to the importance of relationships, the feeling of belonging and future inclusion in the way this phenomenon is experienced.
The central question, according to the researchers, is to understand what is really at stake: is the event itself lost, the fun, or the impact of absence on relationships with others?
In a set of studies involving 5,441 adults, the team concluded that FOMO tends to be more intense when people think about missing events with significant others, rather than strangers. Furthermore, according to , the effect is stronger when these situations favor the creation or reinforcement of social ties, rather than individual activities.
One of the most relevant aspects is that this reaction occurs even when the event is not particularly appealing or fun. In other words, what matters is not necessarily the expected pleasure, but the relational value of that moment.
Research also suggests that FOMO worsens when there is concern about future membership in a group or with the possibility that exclusion will affect relationships in the future. In this sense, the phenomenon could be linked not only to the present, but also to the fear of losing status, proximity or relevance with friends, colleagues, family or groups.
This is precisely why the authors argue that dealing with FOMO involves refocus priorities and distinguish between significant presence and compulsive presence. One of the recommendations is not to try to attend all events. The idea that you always need to be present to maintain importance in relationships can lead to burnout, exhaustion and frustration. Be selective and ask “do I really want to go?” and “why?” can help deal with pressure.
Another strategy is to invest more deliberately in the relationships considered most important. Instead of acting out of fear of being forgotten, less liked or excluded, researchers suggest focus time and energy on bonds that have true meaning. Solid relationships, they emphasize, are built over time and should not depend on presence at every social meeting.
A digital detox is also noted as a useful answer. Social media, with its often idealized and overly positive images of other people’s lives, can intensify FOMO and encourage constant cell phone checking, damaging the quality of relationships in the real world. Setting daily limits on your use of these platforms or taking longer breaks can help.
Ultimately, constant FOMO may not be healthy: when the fear of missing out prevents someone from enjoying the present, their own relationships or the activities they are actually doing, the authors believe that it may be a sign that it is time to stop and reevaluate.
